March Madness

I was going to ask Tyler to write this blog post but he is watching basketball! I have enjoyed this season of March Madness and finally got interested in basketball a few weeks ago, even though it had been going on for a few months. I forget how much Tyler loves a certain sport until that sport is on. He loves college basketball and his team is Memphis. It's a love-hate relationship. Last weekend they played in Raleigh so we got tickets and had the pleasure of watching them win against George Washington! Sadly they lost the next game to Virginia but now Tyler can enjoy the rest of the tournament without being anxious about the Tigers.

Introducing....

We are thrilled to introduce you to James Michael! He is healthy and growing fast. The ultrasound was beautiful and we are so thankful for everyone's prayers and please keep them coming!

I can feel him move inside me and seeing his picture has made it even more real that we have a little one. It's amazing that there is another soul inside of me and we are anxious to meet him in August!

Some students on campus baked us a "reveal cake" with blue frosting and blue cupcakes. We had fun sharing our special news with them!

19 weeks

Two weeks ago at 17 weeks

Thanks to a gentle and loving request from my parents (I heard they were wondering what happened to our blog) I have decided to make a point to blog more. Hence the three blogs in two days, which means I'm off to a good start!

Family is so important to us and we wish we lived closer to everyone. So we want to use our blog to share more details about our lives!

We are so excited to be 19 weeks this Friday! That means next Wednesday is our ultrasound to find out if we're having a boy or girl...so stay tuned!  I have been enjoying the second trimester much more than the first. I feel better both physically and emotionally and now am beginning to look pregnant rather than just feeling pregnant. I've started swimming and really enjoy that. It brings me back to my days in swim club when I was in grade school.

Our little one weighs about 7 ounces and is the size of a bell pepper. They can flex their arms and legs and since their ears are in the right position they can hear! Tyler has started to read to our little one (thanks Ash and Alex for the Winnie the Pooh books!) We are so thankful for God's gift of life.

The Cross of Infertility

Our Lady of Childbirth in Rome

This blog has been on my heart for a long time. I've been thinking about how we all have journeys in our lives. Lent is a journey. It's a time for us to make changes in our lives that will hopefully carry over after Lent and lead us to a closer relationship with Jesus. One devotion I especially love during Lent is the Stations of the Cross, the prayer that remembers Jesus' journey to the cross. Even though it's not a comfortable image it brings me a lot of comfort to picture Jesus carrying the cross. Because I know He is carrying it for me and I don't have to carry my cross alone.

I remember thinking before I got married that there is a chance I would struggle with having children. I didn't have any reason to think this; I just knew it was a possibility and thought it would be a beautiful sacrifice to offer to God.

God has allowed Tyler and I to carry this cross and our journey the last three years has been beautiful. We learned NFP (Natural Family Planning) because we knew it would be good to know but didn't think we would need to use it because we were open to children from the very start. I remember the first few months of marriage and the joy of waiting towards the end of the month, hoping and wishing we were pregnant. A year went by where every month we had the same highs and lows, but we kept praying and trusting that God had a plan for our family.

Then God gave us such a wonderful gift. We conceived our first child October 2011, 15 months after we were married. We loved and treasured our baby for the seven weeks we carried her. The verse from Job comes to mind, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21) Even though it's been two years since our miscarriage I still struggle with finding words to talk about it. There were many gifts that came with the loss of our child. God gave us the gift of a baby in Heaven whom we named Jessamine Therese and we pray to her every day. He gave us the knowledge that we could conceive. And He gave us a heart for others who have experienced the loss of a child.

After our miscarriage it felt like we started all over again with trying to get pregnant. When we were first married we were told it's not uncommon to try for a year and then after a year start to do tests to see if something is wrong. So after our miscarriage we were told to try again and wait several months to see if we would conceive again. Again the monthly waiting game of highs and lows came and was made even more painful by my expectation that we would conceive right away.

In the next few months we found a Catholic doctor and through a hormone panel found out that I had low progesterone. We already knew this and I was a little devastated. I was expecting this test to be the one where we'd find out exactly what was wrong and know exactly how to fix it. In the end it just showed us what we already knew and that I would need more tests. When we moved to North Carolina God provided another Catholic doctor who suggested I start taking HCG, which is progesterone and estrogen. She also suggested we do a targeted ultrasound to see if I was ovulating. When we did the ultrasounds the results showed us that we weren't ovulating. God in His timing and perfect plan made it that we conceived that exact month.

For the past two years while we were doing these tests God provided a lot of grace and consolation. There were times where it was very hard to continue to pray for a child. But we were also able to enjoy the gifts He did give us, such as Tyler and I having the freedom to take trips (we went to Rome twice!) and have flexibility in our schedules. He gave me the desire to work on campus full time in the fall and I knew I wouldn't be able to do that if we had children.

A priest in Dubuque told us once after our miscarriage that as we waited for a child God would expand our capacity to love. At the time I was like, "Okay God, thanks, but I am ready to love now!" Looking back two years later, I see that Fr. Parker was right. The time of waiting and hoping and all the prayers and sacrifices have been turned into love and we are able to love even more now. My mom also shared a helpful prayer with me. She reminded me that God is the author and giver of life. That gave me a lot of comfort and reminded me that everything is in God's hands.

If we would have known that it would be two years after we first conceived that we would be pregnant again, I don't know how I would have handled that. God gives us the grace for the moment. We are so thankful to once again be carrying a life that God has invited us to create with Him. And not a day goes by that I remember our journey and thank God for the time of waiting.

I have many friends who are still carrying the cross of infertility. I am very sensitive to them because I know how it feels to not be pregnant and see on Facebook all the statuses of those who are expecting; or hearing that a close friend just found out they are pregnant. God gave me the grace to rejoice with them and I was always truly happy for them, but there was also a reminder of our waiting.

And so we daily pray for those who are struggling with infertility and waiting for God to bless them with their first child or another child. We also aren't taking this pregnancy for granted and assuming we'll get pregnant again. Who knows God's plan for our family. We definitely hope He will bless us with more children, but we know how precious every life is and are thankful for the one He has given us now.

Our new friend, St. John Neumann

I've heard it said that at times we don't always pick our favorite saints rather the saints pick us. That happened last November when we went to Philadelphia. Tyler was on a work trip and I came along to hangout with our friend Aly. We took the day on Saturday to explore the city and when we asked people where we should go, they recommended we visit St. Peter the Apostle Parish. There we would find the National Shrine of St. John Neumann. We were up for an adventure so thanks to Aly's ease of driving in city traffic we found ourselves parked in front of St. Peter the Apostle Catholic Church. 

We found the shrine and went into the little chapel. As I said a quick prayer I was overcome with a sense of peace. Someone suggested we go up to the top church because Mass was about to start and we needed to see the church because it was so beautiful.

Inside St. Peter the Apostle Catholic Church

As we we were looking around inside the church I kept noticing pictures of St. Gerard who is the patron saints of mothers. He is one of Tyler's and my go-to saints when praying for children. For the past two years we have said a prayer to him every night asking his intercession for a child. I was getting exciting and wondered if he had some connection to this church.

Stained glass of St. Gerard (left) and St. John Neumann (right)

We had some time before meeting Aly's mom for lunch so we ventured into the gift shop. There I found a holy card of St. Gerard and so I asked the gentleman behind the counter what the connection was between St. John Neumann and St. Gerard. He introduced himself as John and our conversation went as follows:

Me: Excuse me sir, what is the connection between St. Gerard and St. John Neumann?
John:  They were both Redemptorist Priests. (click here to read about the order of Redemptorists)
           Why, do you want children?
Me: Yes I do! My husband and I have been trying for three years.
John: Let me tell you a story. A few years ago a women came into this gift shop and said the doctor told her she would never have children. I looked at her and said, "You will have children." Three years later she came back with two little ones and one in the oven! It'll happen for you too.

Then he gave me a holy card of St. Gerard, a booklet of prayers and two medals of St. John Neumann. And he said:

John: Go back into the chapel and kneel down in front of his tomb and call down the power of St. John Neumann.  Pray to Moses, he's not busy! And John the Baptist, he'll listen to you!

Then John asked if he could pray for me and he laid his hands on my head and prayed for healing and for a child. As we were leaving we thanked him and he told us we would have to come back in a few years with my child.

So Aly and I went back to the chapel. We were the only ones in there so we knelt right in front of St. John's tomb. We prayed a prayer from the book John had given us and we touched the medals to the tomb. After we finished I started to cry. I was overcome with a renewed sense of hope to pray for children. For the longest time I had felt discouraged in praying. I knew God heard us and would answer in His time but it had been about two years since we first conceived and I was tired of asking.

I told Tyler all about my experience and what John said. We started to pray to St. John Neumann and the renewed sense of hope to pray for a child continued. I remember a prayer I said a few days after this. I told Jesus I trusted in His timing and His plan for our family but that we would really like conceive in the next three months.

God heard our prayer and the prayers of our new saint and a month later we found out we were pregnant. Praise God!